Matthew Hubbard

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Gasoline Lies

Choking down your words

tastes like swallowed pride.

One spark of truth is all it took

for me to set fire to you 

and your gasoline lies. 

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  • 10 months ago
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Just a little writing I’ve been working on. Not sure if I’m going to head in this direction, but I thought I’d share:

Presley was experiencing what every true-blooded American wanted. He was living—actually living—a scene from a movie. Of course, it was not the same type of scene for which most yearn. You see, Presley was at the height of a cinematic meltdown. Despite the fact Hollywood is known to widely exaggerate, they hit the nail on the head when portraying the loss of one’s grip. 

His palms were growing sweaty and his face clammy. Heartbeats shuddered to a painstakingly slow thump, each beat echoing against the hollowness he felt on the inside. The music muffled to a distant, dull roar in the background. His peripheral vision swam in and out of focus. Everything was in slow motion, or at least it felt that way to him. Little by little, his bated breath escaped from the vise-grip of his lungs as faces danced into his field of vision, each one glowing happy from the trip down memory lane.

Ten years? Has it really been ten years? He asked himself, his inner voice resounding through clenched teeth. 

He had blinked, and ten years had passed. He had blinked, and life had gone on without him. He had blinked, and he’d forgotten to live. Ten years. Nothing slaps you in the face and makes you realize the slippage of time like your ten year high school reunion.

What had he done with his life? Not a damn thing, that’s what. Of course, there was the debatable five years in college—or, as he told people, “four years or so” because he did not want to go into detail about how he drank away most of those formidable, academia years. 

But during those four years or so, he somehow earned himself a degree he didn’t give a rat’s ass about. He’d had no say in the way his life turned out. All Presley had to do was show up, and his father saw to the rest. 

Upon graduating from high school ten years ago, he had needn’t worry about his future; it was set in stone. Go to college. Get business degree. Graduate. Take over father’s company, Stone Enterprises, when his father retired. Easy as pie, as his mother liked to say. 

His past-self had reveled in not having any worries about the future, but his future—now present—self wished he would’ve had some qualms. Not being able to pick and choose his own path in life hadn’t granted him much of a life at all. 

And so, here he sat in a cheap, plastic chair at a table adorned with former classmates, all of which had evolved into actual, functioning adults. But not him. He was still the same privileged boy with two last names.

Presley Ryland was disguised as a man. At twenty-eight years old, he still relied on his family’s wealth to carry his weight. He didn’t know the meaning of “hard work.” His job at Stone Enterprises was about as phony as they could come. The title of Executive V.P. of Marketing Strategy and Business Analytics just screamed, “My father pulled this job out of his ass so he wouldn’t be faced with the repercussions of his son having legitimate responsibility.” He knew this for a fact because there was no such department for Marketing Strategy and Business Analytics; it was just him all alone on a top floor office looking out onto downtown Chattanooga, Tennessee, and all he had to do was just show up.

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  • 10 months ago
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Here’s the prologue that I’ve been working on:

“If you think my story is over just because I had a miraculous revelation, then think again. Sure, I might’ve overcome my inner demons. Maybe I might’ve even come of age. However, as much as I wished life was perfect like Hollywood wanted you to believe, it isn’t. There is no way in hell my life got easier. People always forget the most important facet of rebirth—a part of you has to die in order to do so.”

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  • 11 months ago
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I awoke this morning around 5:00 with the overwhelming desire to write. I’m happy (and relieved!) to finally announce writing on my sequel, I WILL BE, has officially begun. I thought I’d share the opening of the first chapter: 

There is a haunting portrait of me hanging in our hallway.

I was around six years old, and I’m sitting in a school desk. My arms are neatly folded in a pose. My hands are chubby little things with fingers haphazardly laced together in an embrace. No, I’m not smiling but grimacing rather. The photographer snapped the photo right when my mother stepped outside of the studio room. I didn’t want her to go; I was scared she would leave me. Just like a child who gets lost in a grocery store. 

That look has followed me throughout my childhood. It has always lurked in the shadows, surfacing when I least expected it. Just when I’d thought I was free from the fear in those little boy’s eyes, the unexpected made itself known in the overly ornate mirror hanging above the silverware hutch in the dining room. All I could focus on was that haunting look in my reflection as the muffled words spewed forth with shrillness from the telephone receiver; those little boy’s eyes bore into mine. 

A memory from my childhood had come to mind as the approaching howls of an ambulance sounded into the stale twilight: We were at the court house in town. My mother was renewing her driver’s license, and the clerk asked if she would like to become an organ donor. Before she could answer, I started crying. “But Momma,” I started, “if you give your eyes away when you die, how will you see Jesus when you get to Heaven?” She bent down on one knee, gave me one of those hugs that made everything better in the world, and whispered into my ear words that have long since been forgotten. 

How I had longed for that comfort, for everything to be better. My world was now fracturing into a million little pieces—shards of everything I once knew. Death was all I could think about as I gripped the bundle of lilies with sweaty palms.


check out my website: www.matthewdalehubbard.com

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  • 11 months ago
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We all have fears.
You may fear getting naked in front of someone.
Some may call them irrational; some may call them illogical.
You may fear being stripped of your clothing.
Call them what you will, but that doesn’t make them any less or any more.
You may fear seeing the expression on the other’s face.
They are still there.
You may fear letting yourself be scrutinized.
Like a stain that will not wash out.
You may fear hearing the thoughts they are thinking.
They are still buried beneath the surface of your calm, cool exterior.
You may fear standing there in all your glory.
Like a splinter embedded deep.
You may fear having no glory to bare.
They are still sharp enough to pierce your confidence.
You may fear showing the real you.
Like a thumbtack pinning grievances to your soul.
We all fear who we really are.

— Matthew Hubbard 

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  • 1 year ago
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I have often fantasized how my life would come to a momentous end. Perhaps I would be diagnosed with terminal cancer or an inoperable brain tumor. My days on this earth would be limited with the expiration date of my untimely demise. I would undergo treatment in a vain attempt for a little more time. My hair would fall out, signaling to the world of the battle I’m fighting. Pity would descend upon me as I tried to keep a brave face. I would fly though the stages of grief with agility and poise, taking a swan dive into the great unknown. Onlookers would lay their eyes on me with hope and inspiration as I lived my last days with my head held high. The purpose of my life would present itself with blaring trumpets of gloriousness. It would be then—right then and there on my death bed while I took my last breath—the meaning of my life would dawn on me while the sun set: the reason why I mattered.

And so, my soul would depart. Prepare my body. Inject the embalming fluid into my corpse to preserve what little longevity I had left. Let my life stand as a memorial to all those enduring my ill-fated diagnosis. That’s all I really cared about—the afterwards of my death.

I don’t want any of that weepy, emotional shit either. Fucking celebrate it.

Don’t roll my casket into a funeral home. I’m going to be buried in box, so let people view me outside in the sunshine. Let whatever residing force take pleasure in the warmth before the cold ground swallows me whole.

Don’t play some tacky, tear-jerking music. I’ll come back and haunt whoever’s ass I have to. I want my favorite song by my favorite band blaring as loud as the speakers will allow. Sing along with the music if you know the words. I will be.

Don’t read some sappy eulogy. Read passages from my favorite books. Read little notes I might’ve written to you. Read my damn grocery list if you have to.

Don’t you dare wear black either. You better not. Wear that tacky sweater I made fun of. Wear those jeans I said made your ass look great. Wear those shoes I envied. Wear that shirt I bought you for your birthday. Just wear something that I know is you. Just be yourself without the pretenses of the occasion. Just be the friend I knew.

Do show me that I mattered.

Please.

As I’m being lowered into the ground, whisper little inside jokes that we shared. Comfort me. Prove you aren’t going to let my existence fade away.

When you visit my grave, sweep the debris from my gravestone. Forget about all the fake ass flower arrangements. Leave a real one, a rose if you will, along with a bottle of Cognac. Pour me a shot. Toast to my existence and toss me a few coins for my thoughts. Keep my whirlwind of a life relevant; keep me in your life.

Morbid though it may be, but at least I would have some impact. It wasn’t that I wanted to die young under heart wrenching circumstances, no. I just wanted to know that I mattered. I just wanted to know that my life had purpose. That’s all I really wanted—to mean something… to someone.

 Matthew Hubbard
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  • 1 year ago
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Sundays are quote day! Here’s a snippet from my newest project:

“Many people overlook the consequence of rebirth… who you used to be has to die in order to do so. I think that’s why we have a hard time letting go; we don’t want to die. That sliver of the past is embedded deep within our soul, clinging desperately. We’re afraid to die with only a promise of a new, better life.”

Click this link —>Matthew Hubbard<— to visit my official Facebook fan page.

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  • 1 year ago
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Some new material that I’m working on:

I have often fantasized how my life would come to a momentous end. Perhaps I would be diagnosed with terminal cancer.  My days on this earth would be limited with the expiration date of my untimely demise. I would undergo treatment in a vain attempt for a little more time. My hair would fall out, signaling to the world of the battle I’m fighting. Pity would descend upon me as I tried to keep a brave face. I would fly though the stages of grief with agility and poise, taking a swan dive into the great unknown. Onlookers would lay their eyes on me with hope and inspiration as I lived my last days with my head held high. The purpose of my life would present itself with blaring trumpets of gloriousness. It would be then—right then and there on my death bed while I took my last breath—the meaning of my life would dawn on me while the sun set: the reason why I mattered.

And so, my soul would depart. Prepare my body. Inject the embalming fluid into my corpse to preserve what little longevity I had left. Let my life stand as a memorial to all those enduring my ill-fated diagnosis. That’s all I really cared about—the afterwards of my death. 

I don’t want any of that weepy, emotional shit either. Fucking celebrate it.     

Don’t roll my casket into a funeral home. I’m going to be buried in box, so let people view me outside in the sunshine. Let whatever residing force take pleasure in the warmth before the cold ground swallows me whole.          

Don’t play some tacky, tear-jerking music. I’ll come back and haunt whoever’s ass I have to. I want my favorite song by my favorite band blaring as loud as the speakers will allow. Sing along with the music if you know the words. I will be.

Don’t read some sappy eulogy. Read passages from my favorite books. Read little notes I might’ve written to you. Read my damn grocery list if you have to.

Don’t you dare wear black either. You better not. Wear that tacky sweater I made fun of. Wear those jeans I said made your ass look great. Wear those shoes I envied. Wear that shirt I bought you for your birthday. Just wear something that I know is you. Just be yourself without the pretenses of the occasion. Just be the friend I knew. 

Do show me that I mattered.

Please.

As I’m being lowered into the ground, whisper little inside jokes that we shared. Comfort me. Prove you aren’t going to let my existence fade away.

When you visit my grave, sweep the debris from my gravestone. Forget about all the fake ass flower arrangements. Leave a real one, a rose if you will, along with a bottle of Cognac. Pour me a shot. Toast to my existence and toss me a few coins for my thoughts. Keep my whirlwind of a life relevant; keep me in your life.

Morbid though it may be, but at least I would have some impact. It wasn’t that I wanted to die young under heart wrenching circumstances, no. I just wanted to know that I mattered. I just wanted to know that my life had purpose. That’s all I really wanted—to mean something.

To someone. 

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  • 1 year ago
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New blog post!

Check it out:

Little, White Lies

http://www.matthewdalehubbard.com/2/post/2012/01/little-white-lies.html

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  • 1 year ago
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'\x3ciframe width=\x22500\x22 height=\x22375\x22 src=\x22http://www.youtube.com/embed/U_aYibUx1B8?wmode=transparent\x26autohide=1\x26egm=0\x26hd=1\x26iv_load_policy=3\x26modestbranding=1\x26rel=0\x26showinfo=0\x26showsearch=0\x22 frameborder=\x220\x22 allowfullscreen\x3e\x3c/iframe\x3e'

One of the songs that inspired me greatly while writing my novel, I AM. 

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  • 1 year ago
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I opened my eyes, and there you were. There you were with that smile. It was that reassuring kind of smile that promised the world. It was that kind of smile that reached all the way up to your eyes, your warm and inviting brown eyes. All the nervousness and worry ceased to exist. In my fog of uncertainness, you were standing there like a shining beacon of certainty making the most sense in my otherwise senseless world.

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  • 1 year ago
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‎You laughed. How can I even put into words the sound of your laugh? If I were a poet, I’d say your laugh was like the waves crashing onto the shore. The way it started out soft. Like the whispering the water makes just before it breaks. The way it escalated. Like the water rushing forth to meet the shoreline. The way its echo lingered. Like the water gently rolling over the sand. But I’m not much a poet. I’m just me. And all I can say is the sound of your laugh left me wanting. I wanted to hear it again. I wanted to see the way your face lit up. I wanted you.

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  • 1 year ago
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The sound of my racing heart was the last thing I heard before it happened.

 Everything slowed down, and I had been so sure the world stopped spinning. If my life had been a movie, it would’ve been that proverbial moment where the main character opens his eyes and truly sees for the first time while a symphony struck up an empowering score in the background.

Then, I opened my eyes.

There you were.

There you were with that smile. It was that reassuring kind of smile that promised the world. It was that kind of smile that reached all the way up to your eyes, your warm and inviting brown eyes.

All the nervousness and worry ceased to exist. In my fog of uncertainness, you were standing there like a shining beacon of certainty making the most sense in my otherwise senseless world.

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  • 1 year ago
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I’m officially an author! I am being signed for representation with a literary agency. My agent is getting the contracts together for me to sign (which includes how we’ll handle things should a movie production company buys the rights!), then she’ll start presenting to publishers. She believes in me as well as my novel; she said that it’s a great piece of work that I should be proud of. Today, my wildest dreams have become a reality. I now know what my future holds. I’m so incredibly happy.

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  • 1 year ago
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